Hay naku...

nagpapalipas ng oras
walang nangyayari
dapat bang may mangyari?
wala!
nakakabato lang na isipin
na ang paghihintay ay wala ring patutunguhan
walang kahahantungan
'di rin naman nakakapagpahinga, 'di ba?
bagkos, may pagod pa rin nadarama
sa katawan, sa puso, sa utak

'di na nga lang bali
'di na lang iisipin na iniintay kita
'di na lang iindahin ang nararamdaman
ng pusong napapagod na
nababagot na...
sana naman kahit minsa'y
maalala mo rin
kung maalala mo man ako'y
sana
malaman ko
kung 'di man...
ipaalam mo rin sa akin na
'di mo na nga ako naaala-ala
na 'di na kita dapat intayin pa
:(

Nasaan ang rosas?

Ikaw ay nangako
na ako ay paliligayahin
Ikaw ay nangako
na ako ay aarugain

Nang aking tanggapin
ang iyong sinabi
Akala ko, mayroon rosas
Lagi sa aking tabi

Ngunit ano ang nangyari?
Nang tayo ay naging-isa
Sama ng loob at problema
Ang iyong ipinadama

Puro na lamang tinik
Ang aking nahawakan
Ni kaunting katahimikan
At Ligaya ay walang nakamtan

Saan napunta
Ang iyong mga pangako?
Bakit puro tinik ang natira
Sa mga rosas mo?

Nasaan ang rosas
Na aking inaasam-asam?
Na sa piling mo
Sana ay nakamtan
- written Sept. 13, 1985
----

Look back! read the date again;
Twenty years had passed
Hmmm, funny how we sometimes don't like to turn back...look back
Refresh the memories?
As i see through my life, it indeed just goes round and round... in circles
Just like a roller coaster ride
We just have to learn how to get up and move on when finally
The ride ends...

So sleepy

I can't help it
My eyes are closing
As i type in the keys, the characters are slowly dancing
Getting blurred and stepping out of their li'l cubicles
I'm so damned tired
Even my shoulders are dropping, forming
a shape of an arch. Arrrrrgh!

I'm so damn sleepy.
I haven't had a decent sleep for two days straight now
See, the letters are jumping overboard. The cubicles are getting empty

Empty...is it really?
Or is it just me
:-[

Self-disclosure ...

Empty inside
I can't feel my heart
I can't feel my soul
My emotions are so trapped inside
Wanting to explode

My smiles are so calculated
There is a fear in me that you'll discover
How meaningful your presence is to me
How you help me overcome my paranoia
Of things, of life, of who I am

I'm alright really
It's just that I don't want to disclose myself again
To be turned down or receive a cold shoulder
To be seen teary-eyed, pleading; to be found wanting, lacking
In loving and giving too much, I lost myself

On my own, I have to regain my self
More than anything else, I have to smile an honest smile
Open my self to you and find ME again
So that I'd not shiver in one dark corner anymore
May I then say thank you?

You have no idea how practically I crawl out of my bed
To bathe, wear something decent and go to work
I survive because I see you everyday
Together with the Almighty's presence
Yes, I survive

Someday you'll know
How grateful I am to you
For saving me
My heart
My soul

.

just a thought...

The country mourns for Senator Raul Roco...died on August 5, 2005 at 9:00am, St. Luke's Hospital. Condolence...

Few months back, Fernando Poe Jr. died too, of a heart attack. Many cried. Condolence...

Both men ran for the Preseident's post. If any of these two men won, we would have lost a president. Condolence to the Filipinos.

With Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at the helm, we are... where we are now, in limbo? Too many arguments, too many decisions to make - to impeach or not to impeach, for charter change or not, to believe in the witness protection program or not - are the witnesses really being protected or simply brainwashed?

We are really in a sad state. Is it now apt to ask - Condolence to the Filipinos too?

Got it!

What's a blog? there's a complete website explaining the blog. I still have to read through though it to be able to come up with at least a complete operational definition of the blog. For my personal use, knowing something about the blog is enough, enough to enable me to post on my own page. You wouldn't believe how many times i had tried. I think it took me a month to do so, just to be able to post my ideas - sort of a journal entry in a cute notebook or diary. Well, diaries are personal journals that the owner alone should read privately; but for the blog - an open "diary". The mere fact that this is in the web, makes this a public property, with a personal touch and identity. I don't mind really. This is a good venue for expressing one's self and having the chance to exchange ideas with others in real time.

I am just glad that i am able to keep up with the technology. Hah! I finally got it!

prayers

Once in a while i read the Bible; as a Catholic and a believer, I should read it everyday but i don't. One thing that's certain though is that i pray everyday. How do you define a prayer...how should one pray. Definitely i am not an authority on this - the priests are, the cathecists, the ministers, the deacons. But even they have their own ways of praying.

How do i do it? Aside from the daily prayers - the Angelus, Our Lord's Prayer, the Apostle's Creed, Hail Mary - i talk to God, personally, as a friend, as a confidante. Attending a retreat on Ignatian Spirituality and the Ignatian way of life (simply put, a the 5-day guided/silent retreat) has helped me put everything in perspective, of my life and my purpose :)

Anyway, during one of the reflection and consciousness phases in the retreat, i was able to write again, creatively - if one may call my writing creative. haha! Now that i am in teaching, i usually do technical writing.

I am now providing space in PointBlank for my prayers so that time and again, my prayers may be yours to read and use and reflect on, that is if you may chance upon my page.

O Lord
You have given me pride and honor
And all these I should care for

As a little god, an Elohim
I can do away with whatever I ask for

But I should not
I should be aware that I could not

For you alone have the power
to do as you wish
to give as you want
to take at your own whim

Wake me
Humble me
Strip me of pride

Make me worthy of your love.
(written on April 19, 2005)

It's worth knowing and believing in God. He alone can save our sanity and our soul...through Him, with Him, in Him, and in the unity of the Holy Spirit...hmmmmmmmmm, forever and ever.

free ticket to a carnival named chaos

In media studies, Ien Ang relates that "the question to ask about the complex relation between media and audiences is not why there is not mere homogeneity, but why there is not more heterogeneity."(1) The situation where Filipinos are in right now shows the world that hey, a carnival is in town - a BIG one too! The carnival's star characters are no less than our top people in government - in the cabinet, legislative, judicial, the congress, the senate, the opposition, other politicians, and all the other watchamacallits...

Our 24-hour circus is so serious and bent on playing the part of making the clown or clowns laugh, cry, get mad, and change faces. They can really act you know. They have only to stay in the circus. And we, we wait, patiently for the inevitable - whatever that is.

People go agog over them. Mediamen do not have to go in so many places just to get their newsbit for the day. People only have to either turn on the boob tube, turn on the radio, or turn the pages of the newspapers and tabloids and instantly see or imagine what the clowns did to contribute to the success of carnival chaos. Well this and all the other news events in and out of our country add spice to being heterogenous but admitedly too, everything becomes homogenous.

People cannot do anything about this. The media can. But the demand for the circus is so great that all media can do right now is to give in to this demand. Media can be gullible...gullibly strong at times. So, everyone gets a free ticket to carnival chaos!

{This is a nice way of understanding postmodern society :) }

1. Ien Ang. In the realm of uncertainty: The global village and capitalist postmodernity. Communication theory Today. 1994.

inkbLotS

for the Media Studies Society's news magazine's maiden issue:

Ei guys...welcome to inkblot!

the editorial board assigned this to me *_*

what to write, what to say
i asked for the theme
nothing definite yet they say
but i know
evrything'll turn out great

the media studies embraces all; from theories to application and production courses students are able to conceptualize, design, plan, and implement their programs and projects - blood, sweat and tears aside

who said that broadcasting, communication, development communication, and journalism are easy courses? well, perhaps for others for they do not know what they are saying; they do not experience and will not experience the rigors of our jobs as communicators and as change agents in the community

the drive to come out with this news magazine sparked from Toots Rugeria's class - msge001: specialized course on writing during the 2nd semester of sy 2004-2005 - mind you, this is not a mere requirement being done for completion purposes

NO

this is a commitment being fulfilled

congratulations to the editorial board
for the writers and contributors, kudos to you all

you may have noticed, i did not end the sentences properly
there are only commas, semi-colons, ellipsis, and other marks but no periods nor exclamation points nor question marks to end these (except in the first and last lines)
as our readers put your own marks in these lines the way you want it to end
edit it as you so desire :)

now that the fire is lit
let it kindle
to bring forth light not ashes
to share what you know and what you have

nothing is easy....
rewards are great!

A brief

PointBlank...

it takes time to think and "write down" what to say maybe because words put together are just words put together...thinking about the meanings of the words said or written makes all the difference - contextualizing, constructing and even deconstructing words in meanings or meanings in words ---- perhaps this is one reason why i see my students cross their brows or twitch their lips when i start asking roundabout questions...though i ask straightforwardly (??? - is there such a word) - pointblank

even direct questions can have an "it depends" answer, not just a simple YES and NO response...and then we start blabbing and defending the "it depends" answer. Yes sirry!!!

Perhaps...if only we're trained to hear and accept the yes and no at pointblank, what a wonderful world we'll have. And there'll be peace ...but not silence...i guess...no, not silence...

Finally...

Finally,

I think i will be able to give this a shot. I've been trying to post my thoughts here but everytime i start, someone or something else gets my attention - a knock on my office, a phone ring, a crying baby ?????

I said maybe, this is not for me.

Now I am trying again...

I just hope that after posting this one, I will be able to visit my own site *_* because, obviously whenever I try to, 'di ko magets!